Solace

It's AMAZING to me how the Temple can bring me so much peace in my life. How it can speak to me and calm my soul. How it can make everything be alright.


My other solace is basketball. I did not want to play in college but I still love it so much. I think it has been such a part of me my entire life that it takes me home. It's a place where the world makes sense to me. I love a little good competition and working hard for a common goal with my friends and yet having fun at the same time.
BYU intramural upper division CHAMPIONS! :)

overcoming obstacles

I have cried more in these past few weeks than in my entire life. I have never been torn down physically, emotionally, and mentally in my entire life. I can barely keep it together and I cry weekly. I have never been an emotional person, but it has all changed this semester. How do you rise above someone that tears you down all the time, constantly says rude things, and picks on you but you can't do anything about it because they are your professor? It's even harder because they are your MORMON NURSING professor-- 2 things that are supposed to make people be loving and caring and kind.
I can admit it, I'm major struggling. I try to deal with it and not let it affect me emotionally but it's so hard.
How do I love someone like that? How do I rise above it and not let it affect my self esteem and my emotional state? How do I still be the person that I want to be instead of the person I'm becoming? Because I'm failing miserably right now...

Scrooge NO MORE!!!

I am ashamed to admit it, but I have recently developed a hate for the "gift giving" part of Christmas. Now, let me defend myself. I love giving gifts generally but the problem is the timing of the whole thing. I usually come home from BYU a few days before Christmas and need to get all my gifts. I have just studied my brains out for a week during finals and need a break. I'm also so excited to see my family that I just want to spend time with them. Moral of the story -- the last thing I want to do is go Christmas shopping!
This year I decided to start doing my Christmas shopping early so I won't be such a scrooge when I get home. Because I am not so rushed, I have really put thought into my gifts and am almost done shopping!! And because I love my gifts that I am giving and think that the recipients will be so happy, I can't handle waiting until Christmas. The excitement and anxiousness is literally killing me! I can't wait to see the look on their faces. I'm so full of the Christmas Spirit and enthusiasm that I am even getting really creative, cool gifts for my grandparents. Christmas can't come soon enough. It is going to be awesome. Look back in 2 months to see how the gifts went over. :)

As a side note, Christmas is no time to slack off from working out... for Kevin. I do my part to work out through him. I am his personal trainer and take a very hands on approach. He can officially squat me, just in case you were wondering.

Does she know?

I'm in the all life-sucking and consuming nursing program at BYU and am currently doing my clinicals at the Huntsman Cancer center in Salt Lake. As a side note, I highly recommend this facility for anyone who is dealing with cancer. It is amazing and literally like a 4-star hotel. This last Thursday during my clinical, I was taking care of a post-op pancreatic cancer patient. Pacnreatic cancer is one of the worst in terms of survival rate because the cancer spreads like fire. People generally live 3-6 months and can pass on in as soon as one month after diagnosis.
This lady I was caring for was so happy, sweet, well put together and relatively young. Her little granddaughter came to visit her and quietly came over to me and informed me that she wanted to be her grandmother's nurse cuz she loved her so much. I smiled and put my stethoscope around her neck and told her she was going to need this and I knew she would be the very best nurse ever. This woman was doing everything that we urge patients to do post-op and was excelling in them. One of these things is walking and she was going so fast that I was joking with her about how she should try out for the olympics and that she was showing all the other residents up. And all of a sudden it hit me like a punch to the gut...
This lady had very serious cancer and was going to die soon; not if, but when. It was very hard for me to grasp because my mind told me differently. She looked like she was getting better, she had a family that loved her, she was young, she was doing awesome, and people have surgery to get better. Here I was joking and bonding with her and in a few short months she would pass away. And she did not physically look like she was dying, so she would have had to research pancreatic cancer to really understand that her time was short. Because the fact that she was going to die hit me with such an epiphany and because she looked healthy, all I could wonder was "does she know?" I felt like I was going to collapse and had to sit down to catch my breathe. It was a very thought-provoking few minutes for me.
It made me think of my life and wonder if I live it to the fullest. It made me think of the Savior and his love for his people and how lucky we are to have the gospel in our lives and know this is not the end. It made me want to give this woman the very best care I could and take her in my arms and hold her and cry with her. I realized I could never be an oncology nurse